All if know is that it never changes. I never felt loved as a kid or deserving of love and I don't as an adult. I loved women as a young woman and could never have her whom I loved so much. She never knew!
That was in the 80's, in my thirties. I fucked by 30's away with men. Living a fucking nightmare life to please society, family and the fucking church. And for fucking what? So someone else could be happen and maybe not ashamed.. Mother fucking assholes! I sacrificied my life! And for what? And for who? Fucking moroons that are no fucking better than me!
In my youth I loved women. In my 30's I loved a woman who never know I loved her very much and it broke my heart when she got married to a man. I died and kicked the furniture and begged to die.
In 2004 I fell in love with a doctor, a woman. I wanted to love her.. same fucking thing. I always fall in love with the unattainable it seems. Why is life so cruel to me when I have so much love in my heart. Of course, I'm not a fucking asshole. I don't just want anybody.
I fell in love with a much younger woman. I love her dearly and it's killing my heart. Why does god do this shit to me. I would rather fucking die! Hey, thanks a lot for this misery that my heart has to endure!
I am sick of this and just want to fucking die. All of my friends are pairs off... but me. And I"m the fucking cute one! I'm nice! I don't complain! I am sick of all this fucking shit. I told god and the universe back in the 80's that I wanted off this fucking nightmare loveless fucking ride. My mother never loved me.. nor any of my fucking family or relatives. My love was daydream love; pretending that someone actually fucking loved me and that fucking shit still goes on today. This is how I live my fucking life! Pretending! I have love possiblities dangled right in front of me yet I get no love interest.
I'm starting to get fucking pissed now! Motherfuckers! And they try to tell us we create our own realities. Yeh, turn it around and blame the fucking victims...some moroon man must have have thought of that one! Assholes! Have a good fucking life.. I'm out of here! You all pissed me off one to fucking many times.. now you can just stick it up your fucking ass!
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