Chapter 6

My aunt or my sister? Why was it that half the town thought my aunt was my sister? Why were they so confused?

No, it wasn't them. It was me who was confused and in the dark. It seems everyone knew but me now. My aunt was really my half sister. My mother is fifteen years older than her; was fourteen when she became pregnant. I never heard the whole story. I have no idea who the father is or was? She grew up in a small country community. I guess this all happened right before the war start say in 1942? Anyway, we were all lied too even my half sister who didn't find out until some time in high school.

Just who were they trying to protect? I think my mom got sent to the convent somewhere in the big city to have the baby and she was supposed to give up the baby. My grandmother ended up raising the baby even after mom married my dad and my half sister was about four at the time. My dad didn't want anything to do with the kid that wasn't his I guess.

My dad was mean and cruel and my brother became just like him when they were together. They teased and ridiculed me to tears. I had car trouble one day at work and asked them to come take a look. They asked where were my friends; and why didn't I ask them? Ask your friends. I never asked for anything ever again from them. I was determined to make it on my own and not owe my parents or anyone anything; and I never did. I wonder if they ever noticed? I doubt it. They were too busy asking me to do stuff for them.

If men were really fair and honest and forthright woman would have never had to fight for twenty years to get the right to vote and African Americans would have never had to protest to be free, get decent paying jobs and get to vote. We all would have been created equal.. just as the words say. I think that is what most of our forefathers had in mind, don't you?

I'm sure that scientist probably know for a fact that women for surpass men on so many fronts; but I'm sure too that the findings will never be revealed. Why, there might be mutiny! Men have to preach, teach and rule!

So, I think I was about in the eight grade when I found out about my aunt being my half sister. I always envied my half sister, she got to live in town and got to participate in after school activities. She had friends to walk home with. She was cute, bubbling, innocent and very popular with the boys. She had fun! She got married right after high school and had babies right away.

She and I never really got along; she didn't quite know how to act around me nor I around her. We were not your typical sister act; she recented me. In later years we only did things to "help her out" like work for her around her house. She has a son who is gay but in the closet. He was no allie for me either. He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about when my partner and I talked about gay bars in the city. He never brought her partner (or a girl for that matter) with him to his mother's house for family functions. So, in my eyes they were all a bunch of hypocrites and I was no longer playing the silent, I'm not important as you are, game. Instead I bailed!

Personally, I think there is another gay person in that family; but, no one asked my opinion. He's married and I feel sorry for her. No one wanted to see my partner and I together at family functions. In fact, one nephew's wife would pack up the kids when we came in the front door. They always had an excuse to leave as soon as we got there. Funny, when I came by myself, they never had to rush off. I just got tired of all the hypocrites in the family. And all the make believe that everything was "normal".

And my mother! You would have thought she was the queen herself. Boy, could she ever work the room! I got to the point where I couldn't stand to be in the same room with her and had to walk out of her performances. She was always the most self-centered, manipulative, controlling, passive-aggressive person I have had ever seen. She always thought she had to "trick" you into doing things for her. It got sickening! She is in good hands and they are all buddies so farewell to them; just leave me out of it all.

Actually, I am quite happy and do not miss them at all. Toward the end it didn't matter if we were there are not and everyone liked my ex better than myself anyway. Now, if I was a woman and divorced my husband and they still kept in contact with him and acted like there was something wrong with me it would piss me off. But, as I feel now, I don't care if they do think I'm more nuts than a box of rocks; just so they leave me alone!

Yes, for years the woman was dying of something and her she is - still alive. The woman always had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night in the middle of the weekend.. Yes, she loved drama! The more attention the better. I just couldn't take it anymore! For all of my life the whole world revolved around her. I was her companion and her servant; her crutch! I had finally had enough about three years ago. I'm so glad I managed to escape!

Finally, I have a life of my own.. finally! Finally, I'm an out lesbian, living as a lesbian loving and having sex with woman. I am at home. Funny, with men, I only received; I had nothing to give. With women it's so different. I love it! I can connect with woman; with their hearts and minds and emotions. I just love it! Finally, even though it took me over fifty years to get here. Well, I won't count the years.

And I'll try to forget what the church, government and society in general has done to me. They have robbed me of my life of love. I should have been with woman when I was very young. I should have been allowed to be free to be me! What is wrong with this world? Are men, who have to run everything, just that stupid? Do you really want a woman to pretend she loves you just because she is told she has too? I hate the church! I practically hate all men for treating me like a second class citizen through the years and making a fool out of me!

And no! I was born a lesbian. I have always loved woman. Trust me! I dated enough men to find out I could not change. I feel so violated and cheated. Society sucks! And the government merely uses homosexuals as a diversion away from the real issues. Issues that they are ripping off the American tax payer. But, the general population wants to believe in their government. They want to believe that the government would never kill a president just because he wanted to be good to the people and end a war that was a drafted war for the military industrial war machine; a war for profit! They can't tell you that! They can't tell you that you pay taxes in return for social benefits but instead your tax dollars go to the war machine and into the pockets of industry and a few already rich old white haired men's pockets. You should be upset; after all, you paid for it! The government is throwing your tax money away and into certain industries pockets and big business is shipping your good paying job overseas where people are willing to work it for next to nothing. And your government sits idly by and let's them do it. Soon, there will not be enough hours in the day for the necessary multiple jobs that people will need to make a living because all the good paying jobs are gone. Then where will our tax base be? This government already is in trillions of dollars worth of debt held by other countries.

See, people are so easily fooled. Actually, Rove and the others who control the media and just what we learn and what they what us to hear are geniuses. Either they are very smart or you are very not smart. Actually, government doesn't care about gays or abortions; they just want to distract you away from the real issues..like a war for oil and profit.

See what years of abuse in a male chauvinist world has done to me?

That's is what religion will do to you! Rules and power over others. If religion wasn't really self-serving and was truly good for the people then the church would have us love everyone no matter what their beliefs and differences. I believe the church and government have always worked and looked out for one another. Religion tells us to hate and single out and separate and declare one religion better than another and one group of people better than another. I believe the church and government are working together on the abortion and gay issues to side track interest and attention from a wrongful war that this government does not want to pull out of for industries sake. In turn the church does not have to pay taxes nor worker's compensation to it's employees.